Marriage Matters-Divorce and Single Parenting greatly affects children.
By:Darina Prokofyeva

Why Marriage Matters- Divorce and Single Parenting greatly affects children.

While growing up I have not experienced what it is like to have a male in the house. There were just three women: my mom, my grandmother, and I. My mother ended up being a single parent. Single parenting has a big influence on the child's development. A mother and father are better together to raise children because it gives them less stress knowing that they have a father and a mother to support them. According to U.S Census Bureau statistics (2012) “children living at home with both parents grow up with more financial and educational advantages than youngsters raised by one parent. Nearly six of 10 children living with only their mother were near (or below) the poverty line. About 45% of children raised by divorced mothers and 69% of those raised by never married mothers lived in or near poverty” (Children with single parents- how they fare section, para. 1-5). Because we didn’t have a male figure in our house there was nobody to support us financially so we were one of the families with low Socio Economic Status. My grandmother had to work very hard, and sometimes the only food that kept as alive was the food from our garden.

            My mother and father got divorced before I was born and I never had the chance to meet him, so my mom became a single parent. About 50 percent marriages end in divorce. Divorce affects children in many ways. Children whose parents have been divorced face many psychological burdens. The article by Judith S. Wallerstein (2004) claims that “those children who had experienced marital dissolution were significantly worse off than those who had not, with respect to several measures of problem behavior, academic performance, and psychological distress. Boys suffering a wider range of difficulties in school, peer relationships, and the handling of aggression. Girls are involved in maladaptive pathways, including multiple relationships and impulsive marriages that ended in early divorce” (pg. 361-362). Those children whose parents get divorced are more likely get divorced themselves in the future, which might lead to single parenting. Never knowing my father has affected me greatly. As I am in a process of searching for my future husband I do not have a male figure to look up to, to ask if I have any questions about men, to support me or to take examples from. I did not see my mom in a marriage until I turned 17, so I had not seen the full spectrum of skills required having a satisfactory marriage. And now that my mom is married, I have a hard time accepting my stepfather as a father, rather I accept him as a friend.

            It is important for us to get married and keep our marriage satisfactory. It is important for our children, and it is important for our financial, physical and psychological benefits. I belief marriage is very important. I do not want to be a single mother; I want to make sure I get married before I have children to ensure I have the financial support and stability to raise my children. It would give my children the opportunity of knowing how to be raised with a male figure in the house, so they can take examples and learn skills for their future marriage.

Martin O’Connell. (2012). Census brief. Retrieved from   http://www.census.gov/prod/3/97pubs/cb-      9701.pdf

Wallerstein, J. S., & Lewis, J. M. (2004). The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: Report of a 25-    Year Study. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 21(3), 353-370.  doi:10.1037/0736-9735.21.3.353

Reader Question

Blind Dating vs Online Dating

By: Mandee Curtis

Studies show that fewer relationships begin with traditional methods of meeting someone.  One research article I read called “Searching for a Mate: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary” shows research on dating statics; it states that there is a steady decline of relationship partners meeting in traditional settings. Think about it, now days it is not as common as it used to be to meet someone by being introduced by family, friends, and coworkers or simply meeting at school, church, and in the community.  It is still common, just not as common.  This is due to the introduction of online dating.  The overall partnership rates have also increased due to the Internet Era. 

For most of the late 20^th century meeting someone through a friend (blind dating) has been the most popular way of meeting a prospective relationship partner.  The statistic for couple whose first meeting was “brokered by friends” went from 21% in 1940 up to a high of 40% in 1990 before dipping down to 30% in recent years (Rosenfeld and Thomas).  Meeting partners through coworkers has always been a little less popular then meeting through friends but does follow the same pattern in increase then decline over the past 7 decades.

It is important to note that all traditional forms of meeting partners, whether it is from our friends, our family, people we work with, people we met at school, people we pray with, or fiends in our community have statistically shown significant decline.  One of the only exceptions to this trend is heterosexual couples meeting in collage which rose 6% from 1940 to a total of 11% in 2000 but then declined slightly after year 2000 (Rosenfeld and Thomas).

Obviously, before 1990 you wouldn’t find couples meeting by the internet, but between 1995 and 2005, there was exponential growth of 22%.  Then by 2009, the internet was the third mostly likely way of meeting someone followed very closely by bars, restaurants, and other public places (Rosenfeld and Thomas).  That says a lot about what the internet and social media has done to our society.

Given this data, it is clear that meeting someone through friends or family, or “blind dating,” is still the most popular introduction method for heterosexual couples in the United States but the current trends suggest the likely possibility that meeting someone online will eclipse friends and family in the very near future (Rosenfeld and Thomas). 

Recently I read or saw in the news that by the 2020 the entire world will have access to the internet.  Just think what that will do to our dating pool. J

Works Cited

Rosenfeld, Michael J and Reuben J Thomas. "Searching for a Mate: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary." American Soociological Review (2012): 523-547.

Reader Question - Delaying Marriage?

By: Mackenzie Parkin

 

One of our readers asked us to talk about the current societal trend of delaying marriage and what it means for cohabitation and other types of relationships. This delay of the marriage commitment is a fascinating phenomenon occurring in our modern society in which marriage in general, is declining. The average of marriage for men in 2011 was 28.7 years old and 26.5 years old for women (U.S. Census Bureau, 2011). These ages have been increasing and show no signs of slowing in the near future. There are a great deal of factors that contribute to this change. Many individuals in our society enjoy the single life and put off marriage until later years when they feel they are better prepared for the long-term commitment. Another factor is that individuals in today’s society are more career focused and thus put off marriage until they have solidly established a career or finished schooling (Loughran & Zissimopoulos, 2004). Other commonly cited reasons for delaying or forgoing marriage is that the person does not believe in the institution of marriage. Indeed, our society definitely has other options for relationships besides marriage.

 One example of this is related to the increasingly common practice of cohabitation. Cohabitation has becoming increasingly more popular in our society as a precursor, or even an alternative, to marriage. Couples may choose to cohabitate for lots of different reasons but there are a few standard factors which come up often. One reason is simply that cohabitation is simply more convenient than marriage. A cohabitating couple can move together without ever having to prepare, plan, or pay for a wedding—which for some can be a huge weight off their shoulders! Others find cohabitation to be financially beneficial decision in order to cut living costs by sharing rent, food costs, and other similar things. Cohabitation is often used as a “trial period” for marriage to test out the relationship to determine if the couple feels they would make a suitable match for marriage. This is also a contributing factor to the increasing age of marriage because while people may be in committed relationships, even living together like a married couple, the actual marriage doesn’t take place until later, if at all. I say this because research does show that couples who cohabitate with the intent to “try out” the relationship may not be as committed to making the relationship work in the long run and are more prone to split up(Rhoades, Stanley & Markman, 2009).

Hopefully, this helped to touch on some of the main facets of the changing demographics of marriage and cohabitation. I think it will be really interesting to see how things continue to change in the coming years and how society adapts.

Thank you for your question!

 

Loughran, D.& Zissimopoulos, J. (2004). Are there gains to delaying marriage? The effect of age at first marriage on career development and wages. Retrieved from http://www.prgs.edu/content/dam/rand/pubs/working_papers/2004/RAND_WR207.pdf

 

Mather, M. & Lavery, D. (2010). In U.S., Proportion Married at Lowest Recorded Levels. Population Reference Bureau. Retrieved from http://www.prb.org/Articles/2010/usmarriagedecline.aspx

 

Rhoades, G., Stanley, S., & Markman, H. (2009). Couples’ reasons for cohabitation: Associations with individual well-being and relationship quality. Journal of Family Issues: 30(2): 233–258. doi: 10.1177/0192513X08324388

 

U.S. Census Bureau. (2011). Estimated median age at first marriage, by sex.Retrieved from http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/hh-fam/ms2.csv

Video Post- Kamille
 
Effective Communication 101

http://youtu.be/BHCQ28VTpNE

Signs of when He's Just Not That into You

http://youtu.be/aMbgILPcCsU

Pros and cons of speed dating vs. online dating

By: Darina Prokofyeva

“In the late 1990s, Rabbi Yaacov Deyo invented speed-dating to help Jewish singles in Los Angeles meet each other”(pg.193). In 1964, online dating was discovered when a twenty-five year old accountant named Lewis Altfest and his friend Robert Ross came across a giant computer at Parker Pen Pavilion which selected pen pals for people electronically. They were immediately intrigued, “A year later, Altfest and Ross had a prototype, which they called Project TACT, an acronym for Technical Automated Compatibility Testing--New York City's first computer-dating service” (para. 1).

Many people in our modern time use online and speed dating, but I always wanted to know which one is better or if there is a better one between the two. What is the difference between these two types of dating? I didn’t know which one should I try, so I decided to experience both online and speed dating. I had the opportunity to go to a university speed dating event, the ages of students in this event were ranging anywhere from 19 to 26. The experience was astonishing! Also, I had the opportunity to register in different online dating websites and set up my profile, send messages, and chat. After this experience and further research, this is what I found.

“Match.com, one of the first Internet dating sites, went live in 1995. It is now the biggest dating site in the world” (para.16). Here are some advantages and disadvantages of online dating.

Advantages:

1. Something I discovered about online dating was that you could talk to someone more easily online without that real risk of rejection. It’s hard to feel rejected if someone just simply doesn’t reply to your message.
2. Online dating is an easier way to meet people if the person doesn’t normally have time for other activities like going to a coffee shop or a church activity.
3. There are a lot of people on online dating websites. This makes it easier to talk to multiple people at once.
4. It costs very little money, while physically going on a date with someone can be expensive.

Disadvantages:

1. You can love a conversation you are having with someone online, their pictures, and talking with them on the phone, but it could all change if you don’t feel it when you finally meet them.
2. Because you are not face to face with the people you are meeting online, it’s easier to come across people who are not honest about themselves in their online profiles.
3. I found that because of the online atmosphere it’s harder to distinguish the people who are there for a relationship and the people who are just there for an intimate encounter.
4. It can be dangerous if and when you finally decide to meet a person you have met online.

Here are some advantages and disadvantages of speed dating.

Advantages:

1. Within the first five to ten seconds of meeting someone you can already tell if you like them, speed dating is good because after meeting you are given an additional 2-6 minutes to find out if you can actually hold a conversation with that person.
2. It is much better than online dating if you are someone who wants to get to the point and start dating someone right away.
3. The people who attend are more likely to be ready for dating since they are putting themselves “out there”.
4. It’s very easy to come away from the event with 3 or 4 dating opportunities.

Disadvantages:

1. It can be expensive, especially when buying drinks.
2. Some of the dates could be a waste of time because you don’t get to “preview” pictures or things about the person first.
3. There could be awkward moments if you run out of conversation or if you realize you’ve met the person at the same type of event before.
4. You are being judged by a short five minutes, some people feel they would be more liked if they were given a longer period of time to get to know each other.

“One in six new marriages is the result of meetings on Internet dating sites”(para. 21). Online dating works for a lot of people, and can be an easy way to meet a lot of different people in a short amount of time and talk to them all at once. Speed dating is designed more for people who have already decided they are ready for a relationship, and can be more fun because you are meeting the person face to face. There are many advantages and disadvantages for both, it all depends on what works best for you.

Finkel, E. W. (2008). Speed-Dating. Current Directions in Psychological Science (Wiley-Blackwell), 17(3), 193.

Paumgarten, N. (2011). LOOKING FOR SOMEONE. New Yorker, 87(19), 1-21.

Warning! This Book Title is Misleading!

Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man

Author: Alisa Goodwin Snell

Review by: Mackenzie Parkin

I’m going to start by saying that I HATE this title. Why is this? I hate this title is because I feel like it severely limits its audience appeal to women with the goal of getting married when, in actuality, this book is applicable to both genders and not just for getting married – it’s great for those casually dating as well! I picked this book up the other day at my small local library with some hesitation because books on relationships and dating were scarce. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the author is a licensed marriage and family therapist, not to mention a talented writer. Books by qualified and interesting authors are always a bonus in my book because you get informed and entertained all at once. This book definitely fits those criteria.

In the first few pages, the author discusses safety in dating and how to identify traits that would make you vulnerable for your dating partner to manipulate or take advantage of you. She also discussed how to identify and handle traits of dating partners that you consider “warning signs.” I found this information to be extremely valuable because I think all of us in the dating world value our safety and want to be respected by our partners, but there is not often researched information on how to do so but I think this book would be an excellent place to start. On a somewhat lighter note, the author also talks about a large variety of fascinating parts of the dating process such as flirting, asking someone out, tackling the first date, and avoiding boredom in dating. Confidence, self-respect, and personality traits of dating partners are just some of the other topics the author covers. I think it’s also important to mention that this book is very clearly laid out and broken down into small sections so as to avoid overwhelming readers. The author is fantastic at bringing warmth and personality into her writing so that it feels like you are listening to a very wise friend, rather than reading a researched author. The only other aspect of this book that I would consider negative is that it is on the long side at over 200 pages. Don’t let this scare you away though. I definitely think readers could easily pick and choose what sections they would be interested in reading. This is truly a diverse book that covers a huge span of dating issues that I feel could apply to a great variety of people in a multitude of different settings. This is one book I don’t think you’d regret picking up!

Pros

· Written by a licensed married and family therapist

· Clear and engaging writing style

· Large variety of issues relating to dating

· Applicable to a large variety of situations and people

Cons

· The title is misleading and could deter a lot of people

· On the long side (200 pages)

Snell, A. (2008). Dating Game Secrets for Marrying a Good Man. Springville, UT: Bonneville Books.



Blog Review

12 Core Boundaries To Live By in Life, Dating, & Relationships

Natalie Lue

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/12-core-boundaries-to-live-by-in-life-dating-relationships/

Reviewed by: Mandee Curtis

I had to search hard to find a dating blog I thought our readers would like.  I somehow came upon Natalie Lue’s blog called ‘Baggage Reclaim’ and decided this was the one I would review.  I have learned before that it is really hard to change people’s beliefs and values because it shapes who a person is.  I believe boundaries go right along those lines.  We all have boundaries, but not all of ours are this defined.  I like how Natalie defines each of her boundaries; you can see she has a lot of respect for herself.  I think many women in our society have lost respect for themselves and I’m sure much of it is due to the media’s influence.

Here are her 12 Core Boundaries: (when you check out her blog you can see the explanations)

1. Under no circumstances will I date someone who is married or has a partner.

2. I will not spend my time waiting around, whether it’s for their calls, or for them to show up after they’ve disappeared, waiting for them to come back, waiting for them to turn into The Man I Think He Could/Should Be, or waiting for them to decide if they want to be with me – I’m not putting my life on hold for anyone.

3. I will not continue engaging in any relationship where either they or I don’t treat me with love, care, trust, and respect.

4. I will not continue dating someone who reveals themselves to be a Future Faker or a Future Avoider.

5. I will not date someone who controls the relationship on their terms – I must be in mutually fulfilling, balanced, healthy relationships.

6. I will not allow someone to use me for sex, devalue me sexually, or treat me in a less than manner.

7. I will drop guys who manage the bulk of the communication in our relationship by text, email, or instant messenger, like a hot potato.

8. I will not allow lies to foster my interactions, whether it’s being in denial or listening to bullshit, being fed lies, or getting the truth distorted.

9. I will not pursue someone who has either directly or passively rejected me.

10. I will not play Florence Nightingale because it is not my job to fix/heal/help the Walking Wounded, which means no partners with substance dependency/abuse and no partners that have issues that prevent them from healthily engaging in a relationship.

11. I will not date an assclown – someone who is unkind/cruel, lacking in empathy, and at best takes advantage and at worst, abuses me.

12. I will not make up excuses for other people’s behaviour or make exceptions to my boundaries. My boundaries are non-negotiable!

As for research I found that when regards to negotiation of intercourse and dating traditional masculine and feminine sexual ideals include: the man as sexually driven, the man as sexual initiator, and the woman as sexual gatekeeper. 

I read about a study that was a qualitative analysis of 79 young adults’ descriptions of sexual and relational messages they received from their first significant dating partner.  “For both men and women, the most frequent theme concerned the negotiation of first sexual intercourse with that partner; other themes differed by gender. Women reported receiving messages from male partners that indicated a high interest in sexual activity as well as pressure to engage in sexual activity. Women’s responses to these messages often involved giving in to unwanted sexual activity. Men reported receiving messages from female partners concerning setting sexual boundaries; they responded to these messages with both acceptance and frustration. Accounts of first significant dating relationships also included discussions of having learned from these relationships, suggesting that experiences with first significant dating partners may have lasting sexual and relational influences (Morgan & Zurbriggen, 2007).

Research tells us that there is a lack of communication about boundaries between men and women dating.  Therefore, this blog is a great tool to help define your own boundaries.  It is important to having boundaries because it shows you respect yourself and demand respect from others.

Morgan, M. E., & Zurbriggen, E. L. (2007). Wanting Sex and Wanting to Wait: Young Adults' Accounts of Sexual Messages from First Significant Dating Partners. Feminism & Psychology, 515-541.

Cougars & Cradle Robbers - Age Differences in Dating

By: Mackenzie Parkin

 

We have all probably come across one or more dating partners that we consider to have traits that are “deal breakers.” These potentially objectionable can be almost anything such as poor hygiene (yuck!), conflicting values, or a large age difference. Let’s focus on age difference. Wouldn’t it be nice to know just exactly how old is too young or too old? There are a lot of opinions out there about this subject, but a common rule of thumb is half your age plus seven years if you are the older person in the pair. But is this number actually reliable? Research indicates that men will agree to date partners in the range of anywhere between five years older to fifteen years younger (Kenrick& Keefe, 1992). Women will usually agree to date partners around ten years older or younger (Kenrick & Keefe, 1992). So to answer the question of whether the seven year rule holds true, it mostly depends on the preference and age of the individual.

There are some interesting biological findings about mate selection that may interest you in regards to the background of this information. For example, did you know that research has shown men typically prefer women who are younger than them? Similarly, women usually prefer men who are older than them (Kenrick & Keefe, 1992). Interestingly enough, as men age, they prefer even younger women. In contrast, women maintain their age preference in men to being a few years older (Le, 2011). I found it very interesting that some researchers believe (feel free to take this or leave it) that this may stem from the evolutionary research perspective that men are subconsciously selecting partners who would be more fertile and women select older partners to have protection and security (Kenrick & Keefe, 1992).

In summary, research can’t tell us exactly what age is too young or too old, but it can give us some background information which we can use to form our own opinions about what is an acceptable age gap between dating partners. Although research has shown men to prefer younger women and women to prefer older men, there are always exceptions to this rule and we can’t assume that couples who go against age norms wouldn’t work or aren’t normal because, in fact, they may just work out! My advice, don’t let age difference intimidate you, but also make sure that you are comfortable with your dating partner and make sure if you do have a large age difference that you have enough in common to get along. Good luck!

Kenrick, D. T., & Keefe, R. C. (1992). Age preferences in mates reflect sex differences in human reproductive strategies. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 15, 75-133.

Le, B. (2011). The dating equation: ½ (your age) + 7. Science of Relationships. Retrieved March 9, 2013, from http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/.

 

Are you willing to try it? Online Dating…

Possible Dating Option for Students with a Busy Schedule

By Kamille Sheikh
 

If only dating was as easy as pushing one button! We had a couple questions from our readers about making time for dating considering a packed schedule with school, work, family, friends, etc. I feel like this is a very common issue for college students, so much to do and not a great deal of time to focus on certain aspects of your personal life. I think dating is usually one of the first things busy students tend to put on the backburner during school semesters, sometimes we just don’t have the time or energy to go out and meet people. Then there is the question of WHERE does a busy student meet people, we see people every day, in our classes, at work, or at the store, but HOW do you meet people who are potential dating partners with a busy schedule?

 

           In these modern times where we have technology available at our fingertips 24/7, the online dating trend has become increasingly popular. Perhaps one way for students with time constraints to meet people is to possibly join the online dating community. I know it may sound scary to some, but consider that 16 million people in the United States have tried online dating to find a romantic relationship and 3 million of those people have developed long-term romantic relationships, such as marriage, from online dating connections (Toma, Hancock, & Ellison, 2008). Wow! The uneasiness around online dating is beginning to fade, as the numbers clearly show. And we have all seen the many TV commercials of popular online dating sites; some of those group events sponsored by Match.com look really fun! Don’t feel like online dating is a last-resort, but another way to date considering your busy schedule. We all need to have a healthy balance in our life, including romantic relationships, too much focus on school or work can be unhealthy.  

Online dating can be a convenient, easy way to set up meetings with potential dating partners on your own time, when you might not have the time to meet these people at the usual dating spots like coffee shops, clubs, bars, and school/community gatherings- those meeting places they really highlight in rom-coms but don’t really exist in the real life. Yet, I think if you do try online dating, beware of the deception that exists in ‘online’ profiles. Everything in life has pros and cons, online dating is no different. We have a great deal of technology available to us to engineer the perfect online dating profile, we want to be seen as a person people would like to date and this pressure may influence the use of deception in online dating profiles (Toma, Hancock, & Ellison, 2008).  ‘Don’t believe everything you read/see on the internet’ has become the catchphrase of our generation, so heed this warning when breaking into the world of online dating.

In one study examining if people lie or exaggerate on their online dating profiles, 81% of participants admitted to using some form of deception about their personal and physical characteristics. Not surprisingly weight and height were the characteristics most ‘lied’ about. Most of these deceptions were subtle in nature, but there were some extreme example of physical characteristics deceptions. Considering gender, men often reported being taller than they actually were and women reported weighting less than they actually did. Also, men reported more acceptance of women being deceptive about their education and job, while women were not as accepting about men lying about those characteristics (Toma, Hancock, & Ellison, 2008).

This study highlights how most people may be deceptive in some way when creating an online dating profile, keep this in mind when creating your online dating profile and viewing others. I think the most important thing to remember when considering online dating is to be HONEST. Don’t be afraid to try new things to meet new people, especially if you don’t have much time left over at the end of the day to search for potential dating partners. Online dating may be worth trying out. And remember, those 3 million people who are now in long-term relationships that developed from online connections probably presented who they really were in their online profile.
 

Reference

Toma, C. L., Hancock, J. T., & Ellison, N. B. (2008). Separating fact from fiction: An examination of deceptive self-presentation in online dating profiles. Personality And Social Psychology Bulletin, 34(8), 1023-1036.

 

 

 

 

READER QUESTION: How do I know that I am ready to marry?

By: Darina Prokofyeva








Dear reader, to answer your question “How do I know that I am ready to marry,” we must look at many different factors that you need to consider before making this life changing decision.

We have to first consider the transition to adulthood to insure that the individual is mature enough for marriage. According to Thomas B. Holman and Bing Dao Li (1997), “It appears that many emerging adults view the first step of adulthood as a self-oriented period where they transition from adolescence and can focus on individual pursuits and goals, such as school, career, and identity” (pg. 141). The article is suggesting that you must have established goals, short term and long term, and you must know your own identity. They go on to say, “once they are finished pursuing their own interests, they are prepared to move on to the next step of developing capacities to care for others” (pg. 141). You should be mature and ready to create new goals with someone else.

After you have decided that you have established your own goals and are ready to share them with a significant other, you must now consider the advice of your family and friends. Holman et al. (1997) suggests, “having parental approval and peer approval of the relationship would have a direct, positive effect on readiness for marriage.” This will ensure a more successful and healthy marriage. Furthermore, “[approval of significant others] should provide a favorable backdrop for enhanced couple communication and the construction of a couple identity “(pg. 133). Ensuring that your family and peers are on your side will allow for better communication between you and your proposed spouse.

After gaining the approval of family and friends, we must now look at the socio demographic characteristics, which include age, education, and income. Research has found that the greater the level of these characteristics the greater value of interaction between the couple.

Another important aspect you must consider before furthering your relationship is physical attractiveness. Holman et al. (1997) suggests, “physical attractiveness can be seen from a social exchange perspective as having the capacity of enhancing or detracting interactional quality as it brings either assets or costs to the relationship (pg. 134).” Here they are suggesting that physical attractiveness can either have a negative or positive effect on the relationship, they go on to explain this by emphasizing, “the more physically attractive one sees oneself, the greater the quality of couple interaction (pg. 134).”

These steps are essential in ensuring a healthy and successful marriage, and by following them you will know if you are ready for the next step in your relationship.

 Holman, T. B. (1997). Premarital factors influencing perceived readiness for marriage.
       Journal of Family Issues, 18(2), 124-144

Book Review

Why Men Love Bitches

From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A woman’s guide to holding her own in a relationship

Sherry Argov

Review by: Mandee Curtis

We all have a friend, or maybe it’s you, who is a go getter when they are single.  Keeps her priorities straight; school, exercise, work, and then party on weekend, but when interested in someone or even in a relationship everything changes.  She forgets you as a friend, she slips up in school or work and this is all because the only one who is important to her anymore is this ‘special someone.’

Every woman has felt embarrassed by appearing too needy with a man.  Every woman has had a man pursue her, only to lose interest the minute she gave in.  Every woman knows what it feels like to be taken for granted.  These problems are common to most women, married and single alike.

This book is here to tell you that will not work out in the end.  The book is talking to all those women out there who forget how wonderful they are once they meet a man.  Some women change into this ‘nice girl’ who do and think whatever a man tells them to do or think.

I like how Argov define the term Bitch: “Bitch (noun)- A woman who won't bang her head against the wall obsessing over someone else's opinion-- be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it's just one person's opinion; therefore, it's of no real importance.  She doesn't try to live up to anyone else's standards-- only her own.  Because of this, she relates to man very differently (Argov, 2004).”

The ‘bitch’ in this book is an empowered woman who drives tremendous strength from the ability to be an independent thinker with confidence and freedom.  Success in love isn’t about looks; it’s about attitude.  The ‘bitch’ doesn’t lose her friends.  She doesn’t give up her career or her hobbies.  She doesn’t give up all of her time or bend over backward for someone else.  And, she has no time for disrespect.

I think it there is some underlying truth that men love women who love themselves, who aren’t afraid of being who they are.  Although, it was hard for me to find research on this, I did find that “research on mate preference can be classified into three areas of study: consensually desired attributes; attributes on which men and women place differential emphasis; and attributes that certain kinds of people find differentially attractive. Research examining consensually preferred characteristics has revealed that most individuals desire partners who are physically attractive and have pleasant personality characteristics.  These findings have been qualified by research on sex differences, which has shown that men tend to place greater emphasis on physical attractiveness, whereas women tend to stress personal characteristics such as kindness, considerateness, and earning capacity (Simpson & Gangestad, 1992).”

Argov, S. (2004). Why Men Love Bitches. Avon, MA: Adams Media, an F+W Publications Company.

Simpson, J. A., & Gangestad, S. W. (1992). Sodosexuallty and Romantic Partner Choice. Journal of Personalit Vol. 60 Issue 1, 31-51.