READER QUESTION: How do I know that I am ready to marry?

By: Darina Prokofyeva








Dear reader, to answer your question “How do I know that I am ready to marry,” we must look at many different factors that you need to consider before making this life changing decision.

We have to first consider the transition to adulthood to insure that the individual is mature enough for marriage. According to Thomas B. Holman and Bing Dao Li (1997), “It appears that many emerging adults view the first step of adulthood as a self-oriented period where they transition from adolescence and can focus on individual pursuits and goals, such as school, career, and identity” (pg. 141). The article is suggesting that you must have established goals, short term and long term, and you must know your own identity. They go on to say, “once they are finished pursuing their own interests, they are prepared to move on to the next step of developing capacities to care for others” (pg. 141). You should be mature and ready to create new goals with someone else.

After you have decided that you have established your own goals and are ready to share them with a significant other, you must now consider the advice of your family and friends. Holman et al. (1997) suggests, “having parental approval and peer approval of the relationship would have a direct, positive effect on readiness for marriage.” This will ensure a more successful and healthy marriage. Furthermore, “[approval of significant others] should provide a favorable backdrop for enhanced couple communication and the construction of a couple identity “(pg. 133). Ensuring that your family and peers are on your side will allow for better communication between you and your proposed spouse.

After gaining the approval of family and friends, we must now look at the socio demographic characteristics, which include age, education, and income. Research has found that the greater the level of these characteristics the greater value of interaction between the couple.

Another important aspect you must consider before furthering your relationship is physical attractiveness. Holman et al. (1997) suggests, “physical attractiveness can be seen from a social exchange perspective as having the capacity of enhancing or detracting interactional quality as it brings either assets or costs to the relationship (pg. 134).” Here they are suggesting that physical attractiveness can either have a negative or positive effect on the relationship, they go on to explain this by emphasizing, “the more physically attractive one sees oneself, the greater the quality of couple interaction (pg. 134).”

These steps are essential in ensuring a healthy and successful marriage, and by following them you will know if you are ready for the next step in your relationship.

 Holman, T. B. (1997). Premarital factors influencing perceived readiness for marriage.
       Journal of Family Issues, 18(2), 124-144