Book Reviews

MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS: A PRACTICAL GUIDE FOR IMPROVING COMMUNICATION AND GETTING WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

 

Book Review- He’s Just Not That Into You-By Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo

Kamille Sheikh

 

          Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, two contributors to the popular show Sex and the City, bring women “the no-excuse truth to understanding guys”. This advice book was the predecessor to the recent movie of the same name. Greg and Liz answer all of women’s questions about a variety of different dating topics, from the beginning stages of dating to more committed relationships. All the questions were taken from real women and situations. The book is very straightforward, telling women about all the mistakes they make in the pursuit of finding that perfect someone when that perfect someone isn’t really that into you. In the words of Greg, “don’t waste the pretty!” The book encourages women not to get hung up on potential partners that will never work out and not to over analyze every interaction with potential partners, which I think is something that both women and men need to be reminded of every now and again!

          The book does not include any research citations, most of the advice, which comes from the perspective male perspective of Greg (happily married family man) and the female perspective of Liz (single and looking), is based on personal experiences.  I think it is valid to include personal experiences when writing an advice book on dating, but I also like to know who well these experiences align with research. However, one piece of advice from Greg that comes up a great deal involves women not actively pursuing a man, does align with the current research on dating scripts (Bartoli & Clark, 2006; Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004, pg. 9-19). As Greg points out several times, if a man is interested, he will be the one to get in touch. This takes away the small hope some women and men maintain when they are not called back that maybe he/she was in some kind of major accident or emergency-think An Affair to Remember. Typically, men are seen as the ‘initiator’ and women are the ‘planner’ (Bartoli & Clark, 2006; Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004, pg. 9-19). These traditional roles are still upheld in the dating world, something that I did not realize were still around considering the push towards egalitarian romantic relationships in our society.

          The advice given in the book is easy to apply to everyone’s dating lives, not just women, although the book is focused on a female audience. From all the different scenarios in the book, I feel as though  everyone would find a situation they could relate to, such as believing he/she didn’t call or text because they simply lost your number and if they had called or texted, they could have been ‘the one’. I appreciate all the different scenarios and getting both the opinion of a man and woman on what is really going on these gray dating situations. Sometimes the advice seems harsh and you need to take the advice given with a grain of salt.

          This advice book has a high quality of writing; the authors are witty, sarcastic, and humorous, three things you need to have when discussing the issues surrounding dating. Their writing style makes it a lively read. The responses to the questions are clear and specific and they even give you a handy dandy glossary of items including describing what a ‘friend’ or ‘not really into family’ may really translates to ‘I’m just not that into you’, as well as other exercises to discover what you really want in a partner and what YOU would bring to a relationship (Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004, pg. 154-155).

          Overall, this is an easy and enjoyable read and the advice is very honest, focusing on coming to the conclusion, ‘he’s just not that into you’ and being able to move on from those situations to find someone who really appreciates you for who you are, instead of spending immense amounts of times concocting scenarios of why it didn’t work out before it even started and having long conversations with friends encouraging this behavior and fueling the reasons he/she hasn’t called or texted you back. It’s refreshing to hear straightforward advice when it comes to dating. The book is geared towards a female audience, but men could also take to heart some of the advice given. At times, the advice from Greg seems too blunt, too insensitive, but I like the emphasis on not focusing on potential partners that will never pan out or what went wrong and applying that energy to create healthy, fulfilling relationships.

 

 

References

 

Bartoli, A. M., & Clark, M. (2006). The dating game: Similarities and differences in dating scripts among college students. Sexuality & Culture: An Interdisciplinary Quarterly, 10(4), 54-80.

 

Behrendt, G. & Tuccillo, L. (2004). He’s just not that into you. New York, NY: Simon Spotlight Entertainment.