Book Review- He’s Just Not That Into You-By Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo

Kamille Sheikh

 

          Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, two contributors to the popular show Sex and the City, bring women “the no-excuse truth to understanding guys”. This advice book was the predecessor to the recent movie of the same name. Greg and Liz answer all of women’s questions about a variety of different dating topics, from the beginning stages of dating to more committed relationships. All the questions were taken from real women and situations. The book is very straightforward, telling women about all the mistakes they make in the pursuit of finding that perfect someone when that perfect someone isn’t really that into you. In the words of Greg, “don’t waste the pretty!” The book encourages women not to get hung up on potential partners that will never work out and not to over analyze every interaction with potential partners, which I think is something that both women and men need to be reminded of every now and again!

          The book does not include any research citations, most of the advice, which comes from the perspective male perspective of Greg (happily married family man) and the female perspective of Liz (single and looking), is based on personal experiences.  I think it is valid to include personal experiences when writing an advice book on dating, but I also like to know who well these experiences align with research. However, one piece of advice from Greg that comes up a great deal involves women not actively pursuing a man, does align with the current research on dating scripts (Bartoli & Clark, 2006; Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004, pg. 9-19). As Greg points out several times, if a man is interested, he will be the one to get in touch. This takes away the small hope some women and men maintain when they are not called back that maybe he/she was in some kind of major accident or emergency-think An Affair to Remember. Typically, men are seen as the ‘initiator’ and women are the ‘planner’ (Bartoli & Clark, 2006; Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004, pg. 9-19). These traditional roles are still upheld in the dating world, something that I did not realize were still around considering the push towards egalitarian romantic relationships in our society.

          The advice given in the book is easy to apply to everyone’s dating lives, not just women, although the book is focused on a female audience. From all the different scenarios in the book, I feel as though  everyone would find a situation they could relate to, such as believing he/she didn’t call or text because they simply lost your number and if they had called or texted, they could have been ‘the one’. I appreciate all the different scenarios and getting both the opinion of a man and woman on what is really going on these gray dating situations. Sometimes the advice seems harsh and you need to take the advice given with a grain of salt.

          This advice book has a high quality of writing; the authors are witty, sarcastic, and humorous, three things you need to have when discussing the issues surrounding dating. Their writing style makes it a lively read. The responses to the questions are clear and specific and they even give you a handy dandy glossary of items including describing what a ‘friend’ or ‘not really into family’ may really translates to ‘I’m just not that into you’, as well as other exercises to discover what you really want in a partner and what YOU would bring to a relationship (Behrendt & Tuccillo, 2004, pg. 154-155).

          Overall, this is an easy and enjoyable read and the advice is very honest, focusing on coming to the conclusion, ‘he’s just not that into you’ and being able to move on from those situations to find someone who really appreciates you for who you are, instead of spending immense amounts of times concocting scenarios of why it didn’t work out before it even started and having long conversations with friends encouraging this behavior and fueling the reasons he/she hasn’t called or texted you back. It’s refreshing to hear straightforward advice when it comes to dating. The book is geared towards a female audience, but men could also take to heart some of the advice given. At times, the advice from Greg seems too blunt, too insensitive, but I like the emphasis on not focusing on potential partners that will never pan out or what went wrong and applying that energy to create healthy, fulfilling relationships.

 References

Bartoli, A. M., & Clark, M. (2006). The dating game: Similarities and differences in dating scripts among college students. Sexuality & Culture: An Interdisciplinary Quarterly, 10(4), 54-80.

 

Behrendt, G. & Tuccillo, L. (2004). He’s just not that into you. New York, NY: Simon Spotlight Entertainment.

 

 

 

Dating is Weird Blog Review

Kamille

           I reviewed the Dating is Weird blog, which addresses dating issues by writing in an uncensored manner about the realities of dating through personal experiences of the contributors and readers, as well as relating dating topics to popular media articles and current events. I liked that the contributors realized the importance of using both their personal experiences and those of their readers and current events. It is a eclectic blend of opinions/experiences, current events, and some interpretation of research regarding dating issues, which is refreshing in a dating blog, many only focus on what you are doing wrong in your dating ‘strategies’ and or how to make him or her fall desperately in love with you by following these ‘golden rules of dating’. 

          I feel like the blog address the needs of the audience by not offering advice on dating, but putting the focus on their experiences and the experiences of readers of their blog and the different contexts that influence dating for women and men, such as political issues and some interpreted research. From my own perusing of blogs out there, I can tell you there are way too many blogs, mostly aimed at women, telling you how you are going about dating in the wrong way; you are too clingy or too distant. Dating is Weird is more of a community for those involved in the dating world where discussion can take place, contributors write about dating and current events and then ask for the experiences of their readers, they are not telling their reader this is what you must do to be in a relationship, but recognize there is not wrong or right way to approach dating and everyone has their own values and beliefs. 

The blog provides a place for healthy, informed dialogue and support on dating. The idea of support displayed by Dating is Weird is not explicit like most dating blogs, the ‘have dating problems, we can help you’ kind, but creating an online community where individuals in the dating world can go to read about how dating issues apply to current events, such as the recent news on Planned Parenthood funding cuts and have the support to express their opinions on such topics. I enjoyed reading about application of their posts to real life, it was not just a summary of the issue or the contributor stating their opinion, but the blog creates a sense of providing the reader with an ‘invitation’ to share how the current event relates to dating issues in their own life. 

The contributors do not rely on research for all blog posts, but there are some references to research studies, such as on post on the planning (or lack of for some) of children while dating and the some of the negative factors related to unplanned pregnancies, one contributor cited a study published in the magazine, The Atlantic.  The research included in this specific blog post does align with the research on the negative factors for infant health related to unplanned pregnancies, such as issues with infant-parent bonding and interaction and other health concerns involving the infant (Karaçam, Şen, & Amanak, 2010). I feel like adding in more research would help to make the posts more ‘respected’ to some readers or at least confirm opinions of contributors. I think it is a hard task to translate research into something readable and that people find interesting, but to me it makes blogs more sharp in some sense that they took the time to research the topic and see how their opinions or experiences align with current research.

The contributors vary on the blog posts, but most have a very likeable, real tone to their writing. They don’t take issues of dating too serious and are able to laugh at past dating mistakes. They don’t take the approach of thinking they have all the answers to your dating dilemmas or write in an airy, fluffy tone, like some many only dating sites, which is refreshing. I also like that writers of blog posts are both male and female.  This is not just a site for women, but for men too, who may have different opinions experiences with dating and who they see the connection between dating issues and current events, which adds to the sense of community created by the contributors.

Check it out at datingisweird@blogspot.com

And let us know what you think!

 

Karaçam, Z., Şen, E., & Amanak, K. (2010). Effects of unplanned pregnancy on neonatal health in Turkey: A case–control study. International Journal Of Nursing Practice, 16(6), 555-563.