The similarities with on/off relationships and cohabitation 

            Amanda Curtis

Dating starts with two people getting to know each other.  They evaluate the other person as a possible future partner, exploring whether to become more romantically involved.  If the progress leads to a romantic relationship, then research focuses on the progression of the relationship as: developing, stable, or dissolved.  If the relationship is stable, it is categorized as together or terminated.  Yet, in reality, many couples may dissolve their relationships but later reconcile, often cycling through the breakup and renewal process several times.

These ‘on-again/off-again’ relationships have yet to be incorporated into relational research, but still provide additional insights into what factors predict long-term stability as well as permanent dissolution for all dating relationships.  There are also practical reasons to examine on/off relationships as well; breakups are painful, particularly when commitment, satisfaction, and closeness are high and when perceptions of alternative partners and controllability of the ending are low.  Multiple breakups within one relationship may intensify this stress, and the anxieties or uncertainties breakups create may affect subsequent stages of the relationship (Dailey, Pfiester, Jin, Beck, & Clark, 2009).

There are many reasons why partners would want to reconcile their relationship such as: one partner presumable wants to continue the relationship, or they feel they have invested a lot to time and feel comfort with the other person.  Although, research shows that on/off partners report more problems and few positives than partners from relationships that do not have a recurring nature.

Those who want to take a break from the relationship instead of terminate the relationship produces ambiguity and confusion in the relationship.  This uncertainty felt by on/off partners also creates communication problems (Dailey, Pfiester, Jin, Beck, & Clark, 2009).

Interdependence theories suggest partners have greater stability and commitment to their relationships when they perceive a lower quality of alternatives, are satisfied, and have larger investments in the relationships.

This research is similar to comparing married relationships to cohabitating relationships.  On one hand it is similar to marriage, but it is also seen as having less commitment and great individual autonomy.  Cohabiting couples are more likely to end their relationships than are married couples.  Additionally, cohabitating couples who do go on to marry are more likely to divorce than those who did not cohabit before marriage (Hsueh, Morrison, & Doss, 2009).

After reading many research articles I have found the importance for letting go of relationships that aren’t working.  The on/off relationships are not beneficial and it isn’t worth wasting the time on more stress and having to go through the breakup cycle again and again.  I found it interesting that dating relationships that are still in the beginning stages are very to dating relationships that are more stable as in cohabitating and marriage.  You date who you marry and there isn’t time to waste on relationship that will end up in the dumps.

Dailey, R. M., Pfiester, A., Jin, B., Beck, G., & Clark, G. (2009). On-again/off-again dating relationships: How are they are different from other dating relationships? Personal Relationships, 23-47.

Hsueh, A. C., Morrison, K. R., & Doss, B. D. (2009). Qualitative Reports of Problems in Cohabiting Relationships: Comparisons to Married and Dating Relationships. Family Psychology, 236-246.